The Ex-Gay Lie

November 16, 2023

Thirty-three years ago I read a book titled, "You Don't Have to be Gay," by Jeff Konrad. At the time, the book became a huge source of hope for me and the title itself became a rallying cry around which I completely oriented my life and career for almost 3 decades. But the book and the title are a monstrous lie, a monster that eventually devoured almost every aspect of the life I built around it: marriage, career, financial stability, reputation, religious life, community, friend group, and even my identity—all were lost when the lie caught up to me.

If you are still held by the lie that you can successfully change or repress your genuine sexual nature—that you don't have to be gay—I implore you for the sake of your future self to run like hell from that monster before it devours you too. Acknowledging you are gay but repressing the natural expression of it is just as destructive over time as pretending to change your orientation. The monstrous lie only leads to pain; the longer you persist in the lie, the greater the destruction and the pain.